One day, Pinnochio and his girlfriend were in bed doing what girls and wooden boys do.   Later, as they were cuddling, Pinnochio could tell that something was bothering his girlfriend.
So he asked her, What's the matter, baby?"
Pinnochio's girlfriend gave a big sigh and replied, "You're probably  the best guy I've ever met-- but every time we make love, you give me splinters."

This remark bothered Pinnochio a great deal, so the next day he went  to seek some advice form his creator, Gepetto.  When Pinnochio arrived, he could tell something was bothering Pinnochio, and asked him what was the matter.  As Pinnochio revealed his dilemma, Gepetto searched up and down for a solution.  Eventually, he suggested that sandpaper might be able to "smooth" out Pinnochio's relationship with his girlfriend.
Pinnochio graciously thanked Gepetto and went on his way.

Gepetto had not heard from Pinnochio for a while and therefore assumed that the sandpaper had solved all of Pinnochio's problems.

A couple weeks later, Gepetto was in town to have some blades sharpened at the hardware store when he ran into Pinnochio.  When he saw Pinnochio buying all the packs of sandpaper the store had in stock, Gepetto remarked, "So Pinnochio, things must be going pretty damn good with the girls".   To which Pinnochio replied, "GIRLS?  WHO NEEDS GIRLS???"

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