Click to go back to the joke pagePrank report from a contract employee:
At a Fortune 500 company I took the soap in the kitchen area and put
it in the refrigerator with a sign that said "Do not remove."
It stayed there for the final three weeks of my contract. I actually
witnessed Individuals taking it out, using it and putting it back.
[Editor's Note: A variation of this theme would be a sign on the
soap that reads, "Do not use with water."]
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A friend from West Virginia was shopping at the Wal-Mart in
Blacksburg, VA. At the cash register, my friend wrote a check. The
clerk asked for her driver's license. She presented her West
Virginia drivers license and the clerk grabbed it way from her and
scoffed at her, "If you're going to use a fake ID, you could at least
use a real state!" A manager was required to verify West Virginia's
statehood.
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A report from a 9th grader:
Our school campus has twenty buildings spread over seventy acres.
There were two soda machines. Recently they added a third. I
overheard the workers arguing where to put the new machine. They
decided to put it next to the other machine because that way people
would notice it when buying drinks. There was one tiny flaw in that
plan. The two machines sold the same drinks, and the new one cost an
extra 75 cents.
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While shopping at the grocery store, I noticed that the tuna packed
in spring water was labelled dolphin safe, but the tuna packed in oil
was not. I mentioned this fact to the cashier and mused out loud, "I
wonder why?"
She replied, "Must be because the oil would suffocate them."
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The instructor was demonstrating the wonders of static electricity to
his class at MIT. While holding a plastic rod in one hand and a wool
cloth in the other, he told the class, "You can see that I get a
large charge from rubbing my rod..."
That was pretty much the end of learning for that day.
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My previous job was with a clothing manufacturer. Every season we
would have presentations on the latest fashions from around the
world. During one of these presentations, our chief designer held up
a pair of jeans that he had purchased in a trendy boutique in London.
He told us that they were from a very exclusive designer and were
about 200 pounds each.
An Individual from the audience piped up, "200 pounds! How can a
pair of jeans weigh that much?!"
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I called my hair salon to tell them I'd be late for an appointment. I
couldn't remember the haircutter's unusual name, so I said, "I think
her name is 'Zora.'"
The receptionist said flatly, "We don't have anybody here by that
name." I said, "Check the appointment book and see who my
appointment is with."
She checked and said, "Oh, your appointment is with 'Zoya.'"
So I'm wondering, how many of the six people working there have four
letter names beginning with Z anyway???
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I worked for a while at a Wal-Mart store, selling sporting goods. As
an employee of Wal-Mart you are sometimes required to make store-wide
pages, e.g.,"I have a customer in hardware who needs assistance at
the paint counter."
One night a tentative female voice came over the intercom system with
the (I kid you not) following message:
"I have a customer by the balls in toys who needs assistance."
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A long, long, time ago, when I was 19 or 20, I went to a bar with an
older friend. The guy at the door asked for my ID. I gave him my
driver's license, which of course had my date of birth printed on it.
He looked at it and said, "You have to be 21 to get in here." I
replied, "That ID is a few years old."
He looked at it again for a moment, then said "Oh, OK" and let me in.
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At my previous company in the UK, a Quality Initiative made use of
posters around the office featuring parts of motivating words such as
'S CCESS' and 'VAL E'.
This was supposed to make you think that what was missing was 'U'
(you). However, to the joy of the staff, a hand-written addition to
the posters appeared. It was the single word: 'B LL'.
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At a company during the winter months the static buildup due to the
dry air from the heating system was becoming quite a problem. People
and equipment were getting zapped constantly.
The receptionist was particularly hard hit as people were handing her
stuff all day. An enterprising engineer decided to connect a wire
with clips on each end from his sock to his shoe to ground the
static. He was so proud of himself that he went to the receptionist
and proclaimed he had fixed the static problem.
He then proceeded to walk in circles dragging his feet to prove that
it worked. He reached his hand toward her to complete the
demonstration. A big blue spark flew from his hand to her closest
body part (her left breast) and she screamed like a wounded
wolverine. It seems the clip had fallen off his sock.
[Editor: I'll bet she was Thor.]
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I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at
the poison control centre. Today, this woman called in very upset
because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I
quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be
no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and
at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave
her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter in to the ER right
away.
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There's an automotive tire dealer in town with the following motto
painted in two-foot high letters on the storefronts of their several
locations:
"If it's in stock, we've got
it!"
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The receptionist was instructed to call a vendor. Using the vendor's
invoice as the source of the phone number she began calling. Each
time she called, her phone would ring. When she answered, no one was
there. This continued throughout the morning. When later asked if she
reached the vendor she explained what was happening and demonstrated
for her superior. He noticed that the phone number she was calling
(which was on the vendor's invoice) WAS THEIR OWN PHONE NUMBER!
She had spent an entire morning calling herself.